it's called puppy love <3

Saturday, September 01, 1990

Part 1 : The beginning

"Qwark , qwark " chirped the crows . It was yet another day in school . The place where kids learn their ABCs and 123s . Such a bore . but the harshness of reality made sure we attended at least 10 years of it . Hi i am Samuel , an average boy from Spirit High Secondary . The story you are about to read is based on true events , true emotions and real drama .

It all goes back when i was secondary 1 in Spirit high . I was a freshy , had a few friends from my primary school . I was once again , a JUNIOR . just when i had the taste if seniority at the back of my mouth , i am a 'kid' again . haiz . As usual , lessons began , and soon enough i was drifting of into lala land thanks to the " hyped up" and " cheerful " lesson my geoglogy teacher , Miss Ann was giving . It was one of those lessons where you had to fight to stay awake , or face the wrath of ANN . Anyway the guy sitted behind me , Jordan , a real pain-in-the-ass (literally) was kicking my chair again . Somehow the younng perv was able to attain undescribable jubilation from kicking the back of my chair , i just thought he was plainly deprived of life , but anyway , enough of him , he plays a short but significant role in my story .

"Miss Ann , Jordan's kicking my chair again . Can i change his place ?" In her usual cool appearance " Jordan what's your bloody problem , if your legs are itchy , just scratch them , what's the kicking for . " said Miss Ann . " from tommorro onwards , Samuel , u sit beside Torrence . This way its your turn to kick Jordan ." roared Ann . Was she drunk ? she sounded so . Talk about educating the young , if i had Ann as my role model through life , man that would suck . Anyway , who was Torrence , sorry was acting spastic but its only the 3rd month of school . Names aren't registered in my head yet . However the name " Torrence " would not only be etched my my memory , but deep in my heart , in the years to come .

End of part 1

x penned @ 12:00 PM

Part 2 : The first meeting

I stood up wondering , who was Torrence . I scanned the classroom , looking out for a gal i had never met , seen or spoken to in my life . My only clue was that she sat , or rather used to sit next to the irritant Jordon . Cold droplets of prespiration started trickling down my back . I was nervous , how would Torrence react , would she start a large tumult , or give the cold shoulder to the alien who had just parked beside her . The best part was , she was seated just 3 places behind me . Now you would probably start wondering , if my new place was so near , bearly 3 steps away from my previous place , how could all of the thoughts and reaction written above occur . To the naked eye it seemed like 3 steps, but those 3 steps marked the beginning of a journey , my journey .

" Hi ," i remarked as i sat down beside my new sitting partner .
" I ' m Samuel , nice to meet you ."
" Er hi ? " replied Torrence feeblely .
Some how the introduction i expected would be worst then this . But getting her name was a start . So i settled down into my sit . By now Torrence was sitting at the edge of chair , trying to create as much space between her chair and mine . She had the look of awkwardness written all over her face . Clearly she was not used me to . Haha , could't blame her thou .

As the days passed , Torrence started to warm up to me . The only short conversasions we had were when i asked her questions about the things on the board . Thou she seemed quiet , she really could talk . Just when i thought i had diffused through her personal space , she did something that shocked me . While doing some work , my elbow crossed the line which divided my table from hers . Out of the blue , "whack" . And before i knew it , there was a scorching sensation running along the skin of my forearm . It felt like the spanking that my Dad used to give me when i younger . i looked up , my face breaming with astonishment .
" Never cross the ' table line ' okay ? I find it unnerving and annoying when people cross that line . " snapped Torrence .

What could cause such a trememdous responses from a quite girl like Torrence --> crossing the " table line " . Is there even such a word ? I was taken aback by her lightning quick reflex , but on the other hand , i had found the one thing that would prick her , make her angry . I found the one thing that would piss her off . Soon the devil in me started floating " fun " thoughts into my mind .

End of Part 2

x penned @ 11:59 AM

Part 3 : The catalyst

2 weeks had passed since the "table line " incident . These 14 days passed by without much interuptions . Torrence and I were conversing at every possible moment . With each sentenced said , i began to know more about her . When we chatted , the words in my mind just strung together into sentences , and out of me for her to embrace . A hot topic was her hair . How I loved her hair . How intrigued i was by those long streaks of blond silk , clasped tightly into a pony tail at the back of her head . The rubber band she used was black , perhaps hinting her stringent nature to follow the school rules with absolute obedience . Or maybe she was just too timid to choose a more prominent rubberband that would compliment her blond features :D
Her long and wavy pony tail reached back to her lower back . Just looking at it , would naturally cause you to think , what a uncanny resemblence to a stallion's tail .

I remembered the long metal bracelet that i had "borrowed" from my elder brother . It was made up of numerous minute pieces of metal strunged together to form a chain . It was really a beautiful piece of key chain . ( haha i used it as a key chain as an attempt to beautify my dull looking keys ) . Everyday , the moment i reached my desk , my routine would be , put my bag down and take my house keys out of my pocket , placing them on my desk . Reason being , the chain was quite heavy , and due to some childish paranoia , I was afraid I would lose my keys if I could not see them .

On one particular day , during maths lesson , my right elbow accidentally slipped past the "table line" . And before i knew it , Torrence was ready to strike . I could see the suttleness dissolve from her charcoal eyes . As if by instinct , she grabbed my keys and swung it by the chain , resembling Xena the warrior princess swinging her mace , she struck me with the keys . I could hear the faint sound of my bones being chipped by coldblooded metal .

"sdvkjbsdivscnskjdnvjksndvkjbskdvnakcjnakjsncj !!!!! " ran through my mind . I felt the pain of metal against my shoulder bones throughout my body . My right arm went limp and tears of immense suffering swelled in my eyes . I dug my face in my arms to hide the droplets of tears cascading down my cheeks . I thought to my self , where did the demure torrence i know go , was she consumed by the devil the moment i crossed that "table line " , lavishing in the knowledge that i was hurting real bad !

I lost all composure , and as I lifted my head out to shout " what's your problem " , i saw those charcoal eyes . Next a soothing sound reached my ear , temporary reliefing me of my pain ,
" Are u alright ? I am really really very very sorry " said Torrence . At that moment , Torrence looked so innocent , her words of comfort brought a surging and warm sensation to my chest . The throbbing pain from my shoulders had somehow sudsided . How i hoped that this moment would last . . . . .

End of part 3

x penned @ 11:58 AM

Part 4 : The revealation

That night , i lay down to sleep , amidst the clusters of stars , shimmering jewels in the cold dry summer's night . How restless I was , tossing and turning endlessly on my bed . Images of today's events were flashing across my mind . Her eyes , those charcoal orbs spilling out mystery and enchantment , left a mark deep in my whirlpool of thoughts . Her face , overflowing with compassion and undeceived concern . Those magical words " Are u alright " simple yet comforting . I could not forget that moment . It was like that chinese saying , sunlight after the rain . Why did her face keep popping into my mind , I couldn't stop it , i didn't want to stop it . By the end of that night , Torrence was indelible in my conscience , i had fallen for her . I didn't sleep much that night . The excitement of seeing torrence in school tml did not subside till the early hours of the morning .

I reached school a zombie , effects of insufficient slumber the night before . Man i had eye bags !
But i was determined not to succumb to exhaustion . As i stepped into the class late , there she was , all quaint and tidy sitting at her desk . I hurried to my desk . Before i could sit down , " is your arm still hurting ? " enquired Torrence . Today could only get better :D

End of part 4

x penned @ 11:57 AM

Part 5 : The confession ( Part 1 )

As the days went by , my attraction for Torrence did not waver . Like a seed planted by cupid in my heart , day by day the attraction grew stronger . I enjoyed the time i spent with her in school . I dreaded the mother tongue lessons where she was not around , the mother tongue lessons I spent thinking of her smittenly . And speaking of which , my monther tongue teacher was ancient looking . he looked as if he came from the era of the 3 kingdomes . maybe he was the last surviver . And all that he taught was alien to me . However he taught very little and spent most of his time scolding the class .

Soon i started to think of her all the time . at home , in school , during cca trainings . And eversince i had gotten her number , I spent all my time at home smsing her . My "love device " never left my side .

It then dawned to me , since I liked her so much , why not make her my girl friend . The only problem was , how ? The trend nowadays was to ask for stead first , and go out later . I hated the word "stead" it was so crude , it lacked sincerity . I couldn't picture myself saying " would u stead with me " . Sad to say , those words would be my downfall . Therefore , to suit my preference , I adopted the stategy of asking Torrence out b4 i would asked her to be my girl friend . Now all I had to do , was to actually say out these thoughts in my mind , And what a daunting feat that would be .

The next day , during maths lesson , as Miss Sheryl was on sick leave , the whole class had a free period . What a great stroke of luck .Heaven's grace was shinning in my favour . Seeing that the coast was clear , and no one would hear of my proclaimation , I turned to Torrence . " Err Torrence I er , I . . ." . " Hey Torrence want to go play murderer ? " , asked Jacie . Jacie was Torrence best friend . Torrence , Jacie and Kathleen were inseperable . " Ok " replied Torrence .
She the turned over to me and said , " You wanted to tell me something ?" . " Nah its nothing . "i replied sheepishly . I thought to myself , what a great moment to confess , and Jacie just had to ruin it . Despite my first failure ,i would not yield . The next period was Geography . Due to Miss Goh's strict appearance , the whole class fell silent . Thinking now would be the a great chance to excecute my plan , I forgot about Miss Goh's hawkeyes . As I turned to Torrence nervously saying " Torrence there is something I like you to know , I ..... " . " Samuel Chan stand up and stop talking " growled Miss Goh . Another chance wasted . By now the repeated taste of failure was slowly chipping my determination away .

After Geography it was English . I knew I had to stop beating around the bush and tell Torrence how I felt . After greeting the Miss Pauline , I immediately turned to Torrence , with my heart throbbing nervously and the sensation of butterflies-in-my-tummy coursing through my body , " Torrence i really like you , will you please go out with me ? " i stammered . All of a sudden , I could hear a loud ringing sound , the sound did not go away , it was getting louder and clearer . then I heard a moan , " Samuel its time to wake up for sch ! "

End of part 5 .

x penned @ 11:56 AM

Part 6 : Mental bickerment

Last night's dream kept me preoccupied that school day . Lesson after lesson breezed past . Even Torrence's conversations could entice me away from my intense pondering .
Was last night's dream foretelling the future ? Would my path to confession be littered with numerous obstacles ? It did not worry me much . The pressing thought at the back of my head was , could my dream be a minute yet clear signal from my subconscious , how badly i wanted to confess to Torrence , confess how muhc i adorned her , how muhc i wanted to be with her ? Was i so blinded by her presence in class , so engrossed in thinking about her away from school to notice that i liked her that deeply , to consider making her my emotional respondsibility . It had to be . I liked her , and i wanted her to know .

End of part 6

x penned @ 11:55 AM

Part 7 : The confession ( Part 2 )

Thursday was the longest day of the week , While lessons on others days ended at 1pm , Thursdays dragged on till 2.30pm , leaving me worn out by the end of the day . Reflecting on the obstacles in my dream , having a longer duration in school would higher the chance that my plan would be successful . At the half an hour interval during Math's lesson , I turned to Torrence , palms sweaty and legs trembling , mustering sufficient strenght and said , " I had a peculiar dream the night before , and it left me brooding over it , contemplating why i had that dream . ". " No wonder you were like an empty shell yesterday . You didn't repond when I talked to you . ", snapped Torrence . " To make up for it , why don't you share your dream with me ? " , she suggested . It then occured to me that a priceless opportunity had revealed itself . " Why not ? " , I replied with a grin in my heart .

" In the dream , I was trying to confess to a girl , someone who I adored greatly . But everytime I get to the point of confessing , an obstacle would present itself . " , I said . " How sad , but did u ever get to telling her ? " , asked Torrence . " Nope , but i am hoping to do it now . ", I replied . I was now looking straight at her , feeling as nervous and insecure in my dream , with my heartbeat now thundering in my chest , which was hot and stuffy by now , I muttered " Torrence i really like you , will you go out with me ? " . Immediately , I felt like a great weight had been lifted off my shoulders . My heart and mind was synchronised in jubilation ."No" , replied Torrence . I snapped back to reality , realising I had been rejected . " I'm sorry Samuel , can we remain as friends ? " , said Torrence . I could clearly hear the crumbling sounds of my heart . It was not an answer I had expected , in fact I had only thought of confessing , never did I bring rejection into the picture . " Er .... okay friends are fine . " , I said with a look of grimace on my face . But i was not going to give up this easily .

End of part 7

x penned @ 11:54 AM

Part 8 : The Wooing

Since that faithful day of my confession , I asked Torrence out at every possible chance . Her constant replies of "no" and "dunno" took centre stage . How i hated the word " dunno" . It is the worst possible answer that anyone could recieve . For 3 months , i kept popping the question , till it became second nature to me . But repeatitive disappointment had adverse effects on me . My heart could not stand the ups and downs . Everytime i asked that question , i drew hope from the fact thought that maybe this time she might say yes , and every single time , i was bitterly disappointed . Some time through the month of May , Torrence came down with chicken pox , and she was recuperating at home for 2 weeks. The sit beside me was now uneasily vacant . " absence makes the heart grow fonder ", how true that saying was . I missed Torrence badly . I had intense urges to pay her a vist . But silly me , i did not procure her address . You might be wondering , i could have easily obtained her address from Jacie or Kathleen . But being shy and reserved , to afriad and embarassed to let anyone know of my attraction towards Kathleen , I resisted that idea . It was also in these 2 weeks , that repulsive events took place .

End of part 8

x penned @ 11:53 AM

Part 9 : The horrendous Mrs Abdulahziz(A)

The sit beside me was empty . Torrence was down with chicken pox . 1 fine day , during english lesson , something shocking happened to me , something that almost made me start to question whether seeing is believing . I was looking straight at Mrs A , and for god knows what reason she gave a sudden shriek , " Samuel you stupid fool stop talking and stand up ! " . It sounded totally like a squealling pig , and the Mrs A 's similarities did not onli stop at her sound :D With her high pitched scream still ringing in my ears , I protested , " Teacher i wasn't even talking , I don't even have anyone beside me to talk to ! " , desperately trying to divert her snobbish face to Torrence's vacant sit . Was she able to see something in that sit that the class could not , i grew worried . But she would hear nothing of it . The next day another series of unfortunate events happened , this time however it was even more ridiculous and preposterous . I was sent out for sleeping in class . the amazing thing was , I was caught "sleeping" with my eyes wide open , eyes wide open looking at Mrs A . Is that even humanly possible ? I knew for sure I didn't have any fish genes in me . Total unreasonability . Then it struck me and i wondered if pigs are unreasonable too ?

End of part 9

x penned @ 11:52 AM

Part 10 : The last words

After 2 weeks , my torture finally came to a halt . Torrence returned to school with bubbles all over her body , but hey , when u are in love , you will over look such superfacial things . Despite being apart for 2 weeks , the levek of closeness we had was still there . And nonetheless , i continued the chore of asking her out , daily .

Soon the mid-year exams had arrived , and my plans in love were put on hold , until the exams were over . She proved to be too big a distraction for my own good . And so my mugging begin .

While i was studying for my exams , I started thinking whether i should give up . Afterall so far i have nothing but a bag full of "dunno"s and "no"s to show for while going after Torrence . Sadly my strong determination at the start of the campaign had slowly wavered down to almost nil . Maybe it was time to give up ............

1 MONTH LATER !!!

With the exams finally gone , and after countless hours of serious consideration , amidst the post exam activities in class , I turned to Torrence and asked ,"Torrence I really really like you , but I really can't stand it anymore so this is my last time asking , so this will be my last time asking , will you go out with me ? "
She looked to me , speechless . The silence was killing me , every second made me feel nervous , excited , hopeful ....... " I dunno " replied Torrence . I wonder as she said those words whether she could hear the sounds of my heart crashing to the ground . And with that line said , i spent the june holidays trying to forget the first gal I had liked in Spirit High . Trying to nurse back my heart bit by bit .

End of part 10 .

x penned @ 11:51 AM

Part 11 : A new chapter

Nearly 1 year had passed since i had stopped liking Torrence . After the june holidays , we got shifted and did not sit beside each other anymore . Flow of fate perhaps . In this 1 year , many changes had taken place . I was wearing braces now . I had hoped for this ever since i began my dental treatment when i was 17 . I was on my way to a nicer smile and straighter teeth .
This past year also saw alot of changes in the company i kept , the friends i mixed with . I had a new best pal , and his name was Rayner , Rayner Cheng . How we 2 became close pals still remains a mystery to me .

I remembered the first time i spoke to Rayner in class soon escalated into a small arguement . I have forgotten the reason for that small conflict , but i knew i didn't talk to him much since that incident , till the following year . I had decided to leave my current group of friends . They were more interested in playing and piercing earholes then studying . Always staying out late and in bad company , i knew it would do me no good if i stayed on . Sure i would be in the cool group , but at an extravagent price . That was how i left my primary sch group of friends in Spirit High . At first i was lonely . Often eating alone during recess . But then i noticed how lonely Rayner was , or maybe he noticed how lonely i was , whichever the case , we started hanging out together . Maybe the biggest reason why we clicked was because of basketball - bb . Rayner was an ace sharpshooter , his jump shots were always leaving onlookers in awe , and opponent in tears and he shot in goal after goal after goal . We played bb after school almost everyday .

Even thou we hung out , Rayner and i didn't share much personal stuff , or rather he didn't . As a result , i thot maybe i wasn't as close as Rayner as i thought i was . Then 1 fine day , during a free period , as we were playing checkers , Rayner suddenly told me his mother was critically ill .
it was then did i realise we were close alright .

Soon we 2 were inseperable , often going everywhere together . And the strange thing was , Chuannie , Xiao Hei and many of my old group of friends tried coming close and being part of the group that me and Rayner had created . But we 2 didn't really like their kind of lifestyle , and so we left , and each time we did , it was only a matter of time before they came back .

Rayner and I are still good friends till this day .

End of part 11

x penned @ 11:50 AM

Part 12 : Dejavu

Short glimpses of Torrence in class did stir some feelings in me , it did not suffice to set me down that path once more .She was different now , shaped by the company she kept , but her beauty was everlasting .

1 afternoon , as Rayner and I were enjoying our lunch , Xiao Hei sprang out of no where and asked me , " hey did you like Torrence last year ? Oh my god ! If you had told me , I could have helped , or not hahaha ." this was not the first time Xiao Hei was poking fun at me , and his words went by deaf ears . After that childish and utterly meaningless conversasion Rayner suddenly asked . " Hey Sam , lets say if Torrence had a change of heart , would you like her once again ? " .

" No! " came my prompt answer as i walked away to return my plate . A slight sensation of irritation was slowly creeping into me .I 've out that question to myself many times before , and i never had the courage to make a choice .

The following day , I was slacking at Xiao Teng's house . He was my badminton team mate and my classmate . At the climax of our discussion about girls , he suddenly enquired , " Hey Sam , did you know Torrence likes you ? " Was he teasing me too , " Sure she does . sure she does ." I replied with a tone of esperation . " You at the clues man , she's always the 1st to laugh at your the jokes you make in class and she looks at you all the time ! " said Xiao Teng in his defence . " Man how do notice such things , first to laugh , you stalking her eh ? " I joked . A storm was brewing in my heart .

The days passed like water droplets from a tap , with the building curiosity in me almost erupting , I smsed Jacie , " Does Torrence like mi ? " 3 long hours later , the screen on my cell phone read " took you long enough dummy ! " Sweet mother moses , holy shit , oh my god , pipa nige long ding dong ! I couldn't believe it , but i was not wholly convinced yet , i had to hear it from the Lion's mouth .

That night , the first sms sent was " what homework do we have ? " the last sms i received was read " Er .... Yes i do like you :P "

End of part 12

x penned @ 11:49 AM

Tuesday, January 09, 1990

Part 13 : The first date

Almost 3 weeks had passed since that fateful day. This were the happy times, knowing there was someone caring for me really made each day great. Unfortunately, being my first relationship, I wasn't really the best of boyfriends. all we did each day was sms, in sch it was sms, at home in was sms, I was too darn shy and scared to call her ; worried whether my call would be at such a bad time, bothering her, embarassed to talk to her in school, asking how her night was, whether she dreamt a dream of me, i did. she was constantly on my mind yet i didnt know how to show her. Afraid of ridicule and teasing from my friends, all we had was a long distance relationship, ya the distance between my handphone and hers. Each time our eyes met, full of passion love, how I wish she could see the remorse and guilt deep in my eyes.

After our mid year exams, I finally found the courage to ask Torrence out, she reponded to my request positively It was friday, the last day of the week, the day of our first date. We exchange cheeky looks everytime we met, it served as a gentle reminder of the fun we would have later. finally the last bell. After a quick lunch , i ran back to class where i knew she was waiting patiently for me. Denise was in the class, so was Torrence. Denise gave us cheeky smile, we smiled back politely and strolled oout of class to the bustop. At this time, thousand of thoughts were racing through my mind, what should I talk about , the continous silience was unnerving, then it broke, thankfully.

"What are we watching Samuel ? " said Torrence.
"Erm. . . . . do you have any recomendations ? I am easy . " I replied .

Being such nice people , we continued our gentleman's conversation till we boarded the bus. It was pretty crowded, and i stood close to her, wondering whether she could her the loud thumping of my heart. At the next stop, just as the back door of the bus opened up, we saw our classmates. We were looking superbly suspicious to them . thank god the bus moved on, I didnt know how to handle the cheeky stares from my class mates. As Torrence sat down on the empty sit, she offered to take my books. That small action was filled with love and care. Our eyes met once again, this time it stayed for a while............

We carried on with our sweet conversations all the way to the movie theatre. Suprisingly we saw very little people from our school, but whose complaining. Just then, we spotted Rayner, Yan and Si Chuan. I had spoke too soon. Torrence and I were both praying that they hadn't seen us yet. Soon we arrived that the movie theatre, and guess what, being the "great" boyfriend I was , I picked the movie " Fed-up Gals" . Of all the shows to watch on a first date, i chose a chick flick. To compound things, Rayner and the rest were in the same theatre as us. In the darkenss of the cinema, everything changed. I became more relaxed. We kept exhanging looks. Looking back , I think i saw more of Torrence's face then the show. Halfway throught the movie, Torrence was starting to feel cold and she didn't bring a jacket. I couldn't bare to see her suffer. I took her hands , placed them in mine, trying to warm them up by rubbing them and breathing my warm breathe unto them. I dared not look up, but I could sense that she appreciated it. After a minute or so, I let go of her hands. Feeling extremely pleased with myself. Then we held hands. It was a weird feeling, but it was nice.

After the movie we walked around the mall, spending time together, possibly making up for time lost in school, time lost to my timid behavior. As we were walking, my left arm dug into my bag and took out the present i had prepared the night before.

"Here's something for you, something for you to remember this day by. " Said I .

It may have been a $3.90 dog handphone holder from POPULAR, but it gave her so much joy, which i was thankful for. Torrence had to leave early . Darn it , I wanted to take a neoprint with her, something to remember our first day by, but since she was in a rush, I gave it a miss. At the interchange, just as we were about to board the bus, I realised I had left my wallet in the cinema. Torrence offered to accompany me back to find it, but i didn't want her to be late, so I told her to go. The consequence of my carelessness was, I missed the chance to send Torrence home.

It was a sad end to such a beautiful and seemingly perfect day. But the day's activities had left me thinking ........

x penned @ 11:48 AM